It's hard to wait on something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give it up when you know it's everything you want. i will definitely endure for the next few months. yes, it will not gonna be easy. i am who i am and they are them. Instead of fitting in with them, fit in with myself. Are they positive or negative? i decide who i am instead of them. i need some encouragement.
i wanted to be alone.
yes eagerly wanted to be.
i have poured almost everything out of myself into a rough scribbles and words drawn and even screen in front of me. i wish i could undo and dream and write and immerse myself in somewhere peaceful and never let go of anything else. when i look around my life currently, i realise how utterly fugly everyone and everything. i feel myself like some tiny little bug floating aimlessly around. i knew myself and knew where i stand. i met people continuously but never create a close bond. people come and go as they please and indeed it was so numb after repeated cases. how great it would be if we would exchange souls and be in others people shoes. lessons wouldn't learn even though needles stabbed into my heart over and over again. no one exactly understand what i was worried of, what i was whining on, what i was rambling about. i have no clue who is the one you can trust and who wasn't.
humans being, are indeed the most fugly creatures.
will you catch me again if I fall ?
I've lost interest in life, like seriously.
there's nothing for me to look forward to the minute I woke up.
there's nothing for me to end from that minute I shut my eyes off.
in life, waiting may be just the only job.
wait to be serve,
wait to take public transport,
wait to end work,
wait to start work,
wait to buy food,
wait to pay money,
wait to get paid,
wait to go break,
wait wait wait. there's a whole chunk of list just only wait to be mentioned only. you see! " WAIT " again.
I always waited for you to do this and that. but there always nothing together with no action coming from you. are you a blockhead or just deceiving yourself?
i really wish that i can give up.
i really do
really do
really do
really do
really do wana have a complete change.
I'm so lost with words.
you don't understand,
just because you didn't realize.
care and concern,
from you,
no longer exist.
